Idiot Savant
by aethre
Summary: What happens when Artemis' new physiatrist unknowingly triggers his memories of the Fairies? But why does he now have split personalities?
1. Title? What's that?

**Idiot Savant**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **Well, weeks ago (Dec. 5th) I got an e-mail telling me about a challenge type thing.  The point is, you're (or I'm) supposed to write about Artemis being an Idiot Savant.  Maybe I should define that…

**Idiot Savant**:  a condition where one is a genius or prodigy in one subject and inept at others.

As well as this being a challenge fic, it is also sorta my tribute to back a year ago when nearly all of the fics were Artemis centric.  At least I think they were…  *laughs*  My memory is bad, so correct me if I'm wrong.  Actually, I think I was one of the first few people to write a fic Fairy centric.  *laughs*  Okay, I'm gonna stop rambling now, okays???

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Artemis.

*~*~*~*~* Prologue *~*~*~*~*

            A dark head bent low over a simple, messy desk.  A tanned hand held a pencil improperly and was scribbling furiously at a sheet of loose leaf.  A simple gold ring flashed on the middle finger of the right hand.  Pausing, the person set the pencil down and leaned back in the swivel chair.  The woman took a deep breath, then exhaled.  It was three AM according to her watch.  She then loosed what could have only been a stream of curses in several foreign dialects.  Frowning, she looked out her window.  The sun was shiny brightly on the Irish countryside.  The woman looked back at her watch and realized that the second hand wasn't moving.

            "Stupid piece of shit," she swore, her accent as foreign as her swears.  Once again, she rattled of swears in the same unfamiliar languages.

            "As much as I hate to interrupt you, we have a session scheduled for right now," a pale teenager stood stiffly in her doorway.

            "Er, yes.  Sorry.  Please come in and have a seat.  Oh, wait.  There isn't one.  Please hang on a second," the woman rambled, slightly embarrassed that he walked in on her like that.  She jumped up and brushed past the boy.  A few seconds later, she was back dragging a chair that was originally in the middle of the hall, "Sorry about that," she apologised again, "And, sorry, I don't know your name.  My watch broke and I don't know the time or anything.  Sorry."

            The teenager was a little startled, but none of the emotion registered on his pale face.  Most physiatrists memorize all they can about him, and here this woman is, not knowing who he is.

            "Artemis.  Artemis Fowl the Second," the teenager, Artemis, stated.

            "Isis.  Isis Yannitsos the First," the woman flashed him a grin, "A fine pair we make.  Two Goddesses.  Why were you named after a God_dess anyway?"_

            "My father's name is Artemis," the woman snorted and muttered 'duh,' "So my parents named me after him."

            "Still doesn't answer my question, but, oh well.  Your name is familiar, Artemis.  Can I call you that?" She asked, then rambled ahead without waiting for an answer, "And, no, it's not the Greek Goddess of the Hunt, Moon and Virgins.  Well, one of the Virgin Goddesses.  Athena is one of the others.  I can never remember the third, though."

            Artemis groaned mentally.  It looked like his new physiatrist had a tendency to ramble, something that he detests.

            "Athena is my middle name.  My parents have an obsession with Gods and couldn't decide what to call me.  My mother, an Egyptian, said 'Isis' and my father, a Greek, said 'Athena'.  After a long debate, they finally settled on a coin toss to decide my name.  My mother won," Isis continued rambling, "Er, wait.  Did I have a point here?"

            "You said that my name was familiar and then started rambling on about Virgin Goddesses," Artemis picked an imaginary, or very small, piece of dirt out from under his fingernail.

            "It is.  I can remember reading it somewhere," Isis finally realized that she was still standing up, so she wandered back to her swivel chair.

            "It would have something to do with crime, intelligence or in a Psychiatry journal," Artemis stared emotionlessly at her with his dark blue eyes.  Isis didn't notice; she was too busy trying to find her pencil in the mess that was her desk.

            "Oh.  Ooooh!  I remember now!  You're the one that Doctor Dead Poet warned me about!" Isis shoved pieces of paper off of her desk.  A folder slid off with the rest, landing in Artemis' lap.

            "Doctor Po.  I presume he left you this," Artemis blandly held up the folder labelled 'Artemis Fowl' in Dr. Po's neat handwriting.

            "That's where that went!" Isis exclaimed, "Thanks!" She leaned across her desk and relieved Artemis of the folder.

            "Now, t the risk of being cliché, I'm going to ask you a few questions.  Or, rather, I ask you a question, then you ask me one.  Answer truthfully!" Isis said cheerfully, "You start."

            "Why are you here?" Artemis asked the first question that came to his mind.  Actually, he was wondering that question for awhile.

            "Money.  My turn.  Who are your friends?" Isis doodled vaguely on a sheet of paper.

            "I don't have friends.  Why Ireland?  You're not from here," Artemis stated.

            "Change of scenery.  Besides, I got a job.  Acquaintances then," Isis stopped doodling and met Artemis' eyes with her black rimmed blue ones.

            'Butler, Juliet and…" Artemis frowned, the first facial expression asides from boredom he had shown, "How old are you?" She didn't look a day over thirty.  The crow's feet and world-weary eyes made her look older, though.

            "Twenty-seven.  Who where you going to say before you trailed off?" Isis held his gaze.

            "I don't remember.  How long have you been a physiatrist for?" Artemis kept glaring at her.  She didn't seem to be the slightest bit unnerved.

            "A few years.  Tell me everything you can about the person," Isis commanded.

            "Colours.  Red and green.  Be more exact," Artemis commanded back.

            "I have a bad memory.  Maybe three years?  Two?  Christmas colours, eh?  Out of season," Isis paused to consider her next question.  As she did, she hummed a few bars of a Christmas carol.  Artemis' pale face got paler as the words reverberated around his head.

            _Deck the halls with boughs of Holly_

_            Fa la la la la la la la la_

_            'Tis the season to be jolly..._

            One word of it wouldn't leave his mind.  Holly.  Artemis' blue eyes widened and he gripped his seat with white knuckles.

            "Artemis?" Isis asked, concerned.

            "Holly," he groaned softly, too quiet for her to catch, and collapsed in a faint.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **I have no idea when I'll update next.  I'm very busy, as I've mentioned a million times in all my other fics…  As far as I know, this fic will be updated in a year.  *rolls eyes*  Don't be surprised if that happens…  Also, the name 'Yannitsos' is actually a Greek name.  It's the name of my ex-Drama teacher who is Greek.  So yes.  But Isis will be nothing like Mrs. Yannitsos.  *laughs*

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	2. Do You Believe In Fairies?

**Idiot Savant**

            _~ Mage Kitty_

**A/N:  **Guess what?  I HAVE A WRITER'S BLOCK!  Isn't that lovely?  *sighs*  Only for this fic, though.  Thank Frond for that.  Though I did figure out the Pen name for the challenge issuer!  Abigail Nicole!  Whoo!  I feel special!  She gets the credit for the idea and stuffy.  Bwhahaha.  I'll do the review things now…

**Cyborgirl0016:  **Yeah, he remembers Holly.  Or partially…  dun dun duh!

**alex:  **Cleaning silver?  What fun…  And you're welcome ^^

**Laughing Dragoness:  **Hello!  *waves cheerily*  I'm too happy, but snowday, snowday, snowday!  I update now, obviously ^^

**bluecocoagir:  **He fainted from the recall of his memories.  It was too much for his poor mind, so his mind temporarily shut down.  Yes, I know he's a genius, but still…  He has so much going on in his mind, he couldn't hold onto consciousness.  Plus there is also the fact that he didn't precisely get his memories back cleanly, for lack of a better word.  *snickers evilly*

**Wolfrat:  **Thanks, and I will ^^

**Spectra16:  **Hello.  Thank you ^^  I bet it will all go downhill from here.  Considering that I have even less of an idea what I'm doing than usual…

**That Aerin:  **You're welcome ^^  Isis is terrible fun to write, lol ^^  Partially because the only things that she's got in common with me is rambling and messiness.  AHH!  HORNY TOASTERS!  Must run.  And send my ladle and Spiff Axe Thing with Pokey Lance End after the toasters…  heh heh…  Me and Krymsan spend too much time fighting over MSN.  For absolutely no reason.  Heh heh…

**blue-elf3001:  **I will.  And I had a Merry Christmas.  Though I had to do much work.

**the-evil-but-niceish-one:  **Underscores are too hard to make.  Oh yes, Isis tends to ramble, doesn't she?  Lol, she sounds like me.  For the rambling and messiness.  Lol.  Rambling is fun ^^  And ranting ^^

**iridedragons4sport:  ***grins*  Stay away from me with the Herbal Essences crap.  It's smelly.  I don't like smelly…  And besides, my brother used to use that shit.  My BROTHER!

**scarletswitchblade:  ***laughs*  I'm like your version of idiot savantry then, lol ^^  Hey, what are siblings for if not to annoy/insult you.  Though my brother is _very_ bad at insulting me.  Even if he tells me that I can't write/draw, he can't at _all_ so his opinion doesn't count, lol ^^  Artemis' super intelligence area?  Well, it won't be physics; that's too useful.  It has something to do with Isis.  I'm just not saying what, lol ^^  I like the way I jogged his memory as well.  I don't even know how I thought of that.  *laughs*  It's better than Mulch giving him his memories, lol ^^  Well, Mulch giving him his memories straight out.  Yeah, I did have some spelling mistakes.  I'm too lazy to read it over before I post it, and I catch most of my mistakes as I write them…  I think I've changed them, though I don't know if I re-uploaded it.  You know how it is, laziness ^^

**TeenTypist:  **I don't think I'm up for writing this either.  Though I obviously murdered it and made it a humour fic, lol…  I think it would work better if it is more serious than everything else I write.  It probably will, but, hey!  Artemis has got split personalities!  That's too much of a humorous (ish) scenario for me to pass up, lol ^^  And you should learn this about me.  I very, very, very, very rarely update what most people would call 'soon', lol.

**artemisrox:  **Yes, Foaly's keeping an eye on Artemis; he'd be an idiot not to.  Holly's not going up, not immediately.  That's too rash of a decision.  If Artemis shows signs of planning on exploiting the Fairies again, then they'll send up Holly.  Artemis has three personalities, 1) Evil Super Criminal Mastermind, 2) Average Teenaged Boy, 3) Average Teenaged Boy with Knowledge of the Fairies.  Oh, and he'll only be good at one thing.  Though I refuse to tell what.  BWHAHAHA!  And I don't know if Mulch is going to be in it.  I've never written anything with Mulch even mentioned.  So I don't know if he's going to be in it.

**Maru:  **Yes, this is my most least humorous fic.  Currently, it is very crap in the humour department.  I can do better, I know that.  But humour is soooo hard to write with Artemis and manage to keep him in character!  *sulks*  Of course I'm going to update this!  This is the most amount of reviews I have ever gotten for one chapter of one fic.  I'll try to make it funnier, but it isn't going to happen unless I add a comic relief.  And Isis is kinda stupid at points, but she isn't a comic relief at all.  I really do need a proper genre thing.  I really hate the genre general…

**Spasmodic dust bunny:  **It is a good idea, isn't it?  Unfortunately, it's not mine, lol ^^  Yes, Isis is great.  I do believe that she's my best OC yet.  And I am continuing.  16 reviews for the first chapter?  Who the hell wouldn't?

**Abigail Nicole:  ***grins*  Thank you ^^  Ah, a year ago, you must have loved this place, lol ^^  I ended up writing a Fairy centric fic to be a) different/weird and b) Holly's my fave, lol ^^  Well, I've ran out of things to say…  Read on!

Well, I've ran out of reviews to answer.  No more stalling.  Write…  Hmmm…  Have to do Disclaimer.

**Disclaimer:  **I don't own Artemis.

*~*~*~*~* Chapter One:   *~*~*~*~*~*

            "Hello?" Isis asked into the phone which she just got a few hours ago.

            "Hello honey!  How's Éire treating you?" A voice came clear out the speaker.

            "Mother, get your head out of the past, its Ireland now a days.  Ireland's been treating me fine.  I can adapt to pretty much everywhere, considering that you and Dad dragged me across the whole bloody world in your quest for knowledge," Isis rolled her eyes.  Parents.

            "Do you have the speaker phone on, dear?  You're voice sounds weird," Isis' mother sounded overly concerned.

            "Oh yes, worry about me after I leave your nest.  As long as I was in the same country as you, it would be fine.  But, no, now that I'm an adult, you must worry over something like my voice being weird," Isis sighed and her mother began to drone on, rather how Isis was a few hours ago with that Artemis Fowl.  Isis sighed again when she thought of the teenager.

            "What's the matter, dear?" her mother broke off her monologue to ask a question.

            "Do you think that it's a bad thing when a rich genius faints during his first session with you?" Isis asked.

            "Probably.  Who is the kid?" Isis' mother asked.

            "Artemis Fowl.  The Second," Isis said.

            "Definitely a bad thing.  The Fowls have been criminals for generations upon generations.  My advice?  Leave the country, change your name, and become a drifter," Isis' mother said frantically.

            "_Mother…  That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard.  Who'd be afraid of some teenager?" Isis rolled her eyes, "He's just a little cocky from being spoiled so much."_

            "That Fowl boy has been seen all over the world.  In an hour!" Isis' mother said in a low voice.

            "Yeah.  And that language you can't translate is the Fairy language," Isis groaned.

            "It is!  I tell you, the language is the Fairy language!" Isis' mother said excitedly.

            "Mother, the Fay Folk don't exist," Isis said weakly.

            "You are such a bad liar.  I know you believe in the Tuathe De Danae," Isis' mother scolded.

            "Yes.  Sure I do," Isis said weakly.  Her mother was right.  Isis did always have a soft spot for the Little People.  Why do you think she mentioned the language?  But she honestly didn't believe that the Fairies would leave a bit of their writing just lying around.  Okay, so it took her parents more than a decade to track down that little sheet of parchment, but still.

            "You must admit, the parchment excites you," Isis' mother said knowingly.

            "Not really.  Why would there be a bit of paper written by the Fairies in our realm?  It doesn't make sense.  I still think that it's a hoax," Isis leaned forward in her chair and stared at the phone with hard eyes, trying to will her expression to her mother.

            "It can't be a hoax!  It's written with nearly modern writing tools and it was carbon-dated for a time before the Egyptians began to make their own written language!  You very well know what this means, Isis!" her mother was practically bouncing in a mixture of amazement and excitement.

            "Maybe someone invented a time machine in the future and took the writing back," Isis rolled her eyes.

            "Now that is the most ridiculous of your arguments, darling," the mother rolled her eyes; Isis could almost hear it, "You've got to do better than that.

            "I'm telling you; it's not the Fairy language.  I'll be laughing when you discover that it isn't," Isis grinned.

            "Well I've got to go.  This is costing me a fortune every second.  Quit your job; that Fowl boy is going to kill you!" the mother warned.

            "Mother, call after six.  Or are you in one of those places that don't have that discount?  Probably.  And I highly doubt Artemis will kill me; he's just an average teenager with an attitude and intelligence problem.  I'll be fine," Isis smiled.

            "I'll talk to you later then.  Bye!" Isis' mother said.

            "See yah," Isis said, then the phone went dead.  She glanced over at the file marked 'Artemis Fowl'.  She turned away.  She looked back, then sighed, "No, I don't want to read some other doctor's report on the kid.  I'll form my own opinion without their ideas biasing my mind.  That's probably what screwed them all.  They were so scared of a teenager that they just messed it all up for themselves.  Not me.  I'm going to do better!  Though I'll probably end up getting no better results; some of the others were really famous and good.  I stand no chance.  Maybe I could outstare the kid," Isis paused then shuddered, "No way.  He's got a way of reading your mind.  Must put up mental barriers."

            Isis then shoved everything off her desk and sat on it and crossed her legs in the lotus position.  She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes, then entered the meditation, something that she was taught when she was seven.

            A half hour later, the phone rang, snapping Isis' inner calm.  In her hasty attempt to uncross her legs, she ended up on her stomach on the floor, nose pointed at the phone.  Cursing, she picked up the phone and growled 'hello'.

            "Dr. Yannitsos?  I'm calling to inform you that you will have another meeting with Artemis Fowl this evening," a bored voice said.

            "That's all fine and dandy.  What time?  Oh, never mind that.  How long from now?" Isis asked tiredly.

            "Five minutes," the voice said.

            "Five...  Five minutes!  Why didn't you call earlier?  My office is a mess!" Isis frantically began shoving papers into random drawers.

            "Mr. Fowl just woke up a few minutes ago," the bored voice sounded boreder.

            "Then why are they sending him to me?  I'm not a medical doctor!" Isis exclaimed.

            "I don't know and I don't care," the voice stated blandly.

            "What are you -" the line went dead and Isis cursed again, "Stupid useless people."

            "I agree with you on that statement very much.  The staff here are… lacking, to say the least," Artemis had entered the room without Isis knowing, so Isis jumped and gasped a bit.

            "Don't _do_ that, okay?" She pressed a hand to her racing heart, "Do you want me to have a cardiac arrest or something?"

            "You are a member of the staff," Artemis pointed out.  Isis just scowled at him.

            "Do you have any idea why they sent you to me?" Isis asked, feeling a little annoyed at the genius.  Maybe it was just because she just got off the phone with her mother, but Isis was definitely feeling way too nervous and jumpy around him, "There went my inner calm," Isis muttered quietly to herself.

            "No, I have no idea.  I highly doubt you are a medical doctor, but even then, I am not in need of any help from doctors.  Of any kind," he said coldly.  Isis was forced to stand still and take deep breaths, an ineffective measure against Artemis.

            Isis was torn between being curious or being angry.  Curiosity won the contest, "What has gotten into you, Artemis?  At least this morning you were the slightest inch polite."

            Artemis didn't answer; he just sat down in a chair and gazed expressionlessly at Isis, "Let's just get this over with."

            "How can we?  I have no idea why you are here!" Isis glared and impatiently pushed her dark hair out of her eyes.

            "Make something up.  You _are the physiatrist," Artemis didn't blink._

            "Fine then.  Why the hell did you fucking faint when I began singing Deck the Halls?" Isis wasn't happy.

            "I don't know," Artemis said automatically.

            "LIAR!" Isis yelled.  Her temper was quite short and Artemis was rubbing her the wrong way.

            "I'm not lying.  I don't know," Artemis shrugged.

            "I wonder what will happen if I begin to _sing_ Deck the Halls?" Isis asked.  Without waiting for an answer, she began to sing, "Deck the halls with boughs of Holly, fa la la la la la la la la," to Isis' amazement, Artemis blinked, shook himself a little, and slouched down in his chair, sitting more like a normal teenaged boy.  To her further amazement, Artemis began to hum along with her.  She stopped singing and stared at Artemis, watching as he continued to hum.

            "What?" Artemis asked, "I'm not doing anything wrong."

            "No, you aren't.  You're just acting like a normal teenager and you were bitching at me a few minutes ago!" Isis stared at him in shock, her anger evaporated.

            "I was?  Sorry then," Artemis smiled and shrugged.  Isis raised her eyebrows.  From what she gathered about Artemis' personality, smiling was a rarity, if not impossible, "I do believe that it's your turn to ask a question, if we are continuing from where we left off, Dr. Yannitsos."

            "Er, yes…  Just call me Isis, okay?  Uh, why are you being so nice?" Isis asked, dying to know the answer.

            "Why not?  Was a rude before?" Artemis asked, puzzled, "Wait, that's not my question!"

            Isis laughed, "An eviller being would treat it as your question, Artemis, but I'll let it slide.

            "Do you believe in Fairies?" Artemis asked.

            Isis gawped and stared blankly, "Wha?"

            "Since you let my mistake slide, I'll let yours.  We're even.  Do you believe in Fairies?" Artemis repeated.

            "Uh," Isis laughed embarrassedly, "Yeah, actually I do.  I know it's childish and all, but still…"

            "I don't think it's childish," Artemis smiled, genuinely happy.

            "Do _you_ believe in Fairies?" Isis asked, eyes narrowed.  She wanted to know why he asked her that question.

            "Yes.  Which sort of Fairies do you believe in?" Artemis asked.

            _Okay, this conversation is weird__.  Who would have known that Artemis Fowl the Second believes in the Fair Folk! Isis mused, "The Tuathe De Danae, mainly.  Why did you ask me if I believed in Fairies?"_

            "I was curious.  You seem like the person who would," Artemis continued smiling.

            "I don't know whether to take that as a complement or an insult," Isis groaned.

            "It's a compliment.  What is your favourite language?" Artemis asked.

            "I don't know.  My parents taught me so many when I was little.  I'm fluent in too many to count, though most are useless.  How important is money?" Isis asked.

            Artemis blinked, straightened up in his chair and answered in a deadpanned voice, "_Aurum Est Potestas."_

            "Gold is Power," Isis said softly.

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **I was done this a day ago.  I just had to check the spelling of the Fowl's, or rather, Artemis' motto.  Have a good day, ya'll!  Oh yes.  I spelt it all right asides from _Potestas_.  Stupid word.  BWHAHAHA!  I figured out why the symbol for gold is Au.  Comes from the Latin word _Aurum_ meaning gold.  It's amazing that a fantasy book can tell you stuff about science that your science teacher doesn't know, lol ^^  And if I spelt Éire wrong, forgive me.  I forgot how to spell that.  And Tuathe De Danae.  *rolls eyes*  Must I forget every bit of useless knowledge right when I need it?  This is still evilly short, I know, but it is better than before.  And I still don't think it's getting funnier.  Mih, when I can switch between Artemis', then it will be funny/amusing.  Well, switch rapidly.  BWHAHAHA!

Oh yes…  I figured something out that it semi-funny and doesn't fit in any of my fics.  So I'll put it here.

Chix Verbil is Verbil about Chix.

BWHAHAHAHAHA!  Isn't that brilliant?  And I figured it out all by myself, Mommy!

Yeah, and the acronym for this fic (IS) is a word, and it's half of Isis name.  Well all of it pretty much.  Totally a coincident.  I have too much time on my hands…

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


	3. Enter Butler

**Idiot Savant**

**A/N:  **I update again.  Finally.  *rolls eyes*  Though it will probably be a week after I write this, like always.  I only get the computer for an hour today cause of my tests I have next week.  So that doesn't give me enough time to do anything.  *sighs*  Oh yes…  I used metafiction in this chapter.  Can you find it?  Also, please tell me any and all typos…  I don't like them and I sorta miss some of them when I re-read…

**The writer formerely known as:  **Okay…  By the by, you do realize that you spelt formerly wrong, right?

**The Toaster:  **Verbil about Chix?  Chix Verbil is Verbil about Chix?  How can you not get that!  Chix Verbil is verbal about chicks.  Get it now?

**TeenTypist:  **Why can't I sell myself short?  I still think I'm not the one to be writing t his, though…  Of course it's conflicting.  I like conflictingness!  You take Latin?  COOOL!  Peace to you too!

**Spontaneousxhumanxcombustion:  **I don't think BFW is around that much anymore.  Something about the bazillions of Mary Sues running around.  Someone really does have to do something about that.  *sighs*  I don't like 'em.

**That Aerin:  **Thanks!  Artemis got on a happy pill?  Ha, that'd be hilarious!  Waaait.  You love the plotline?  There's a plotline?  Really!  TELL IT TO ME!

**Tonduil:  **Hey, when you do, tell me!

**Abigail Nicole:  **Oh yes, Isis is very fun to write, xD  Wow, me…  win something?  Amazing.  *blushes*

**Maru:  **Glad you like it!

**Smiling_idiot:  **Yes, that is very true…  You'll be quite scared of Artemis in this chapter…

**Cyborg0021:  **I swear more.

**SilverDragon14:  **Cookie!  Yah!  *eats*  You take Latin?  I wanna take Latin…  No, it's not bi-polar.  That's when you're very happy, then very depressed and stuff.  Scitzo is closer.  If you use MS Word, use normal formatting (pressing the italics button/ctrl+I) then save as a web page.  That should work.

**Akuweaselgirl:  **A word of warning about my updating habits; they're erratic, at best.

**Black Slytherin Girl:  **Thanks.  I haven't been reading much of anything recently.

**Scarletswitchblade:  **Thank you.  I thought so as well ^^  Yah, my science teacher was funny.  Most did come from a Latin base, but some were from other languages.  He's mainly a physics teacher, though, so he probably didn't really care ^^  Dead languages Isis is fluent in?  Egyptian, if there's a dead version of Greek, Greek, Latin, Gaelic…  Those are the ones she could hold a half decent conversation in.  Of course, she'd have to switch to English every now and then.  And she knows a word or two in a few other languages.  Current languages she speaks?  English (duh), Russian (she spent a few years there as a young kid.  Not extremely good at it, still needs a translator), French and whatever ones I wish to throw in.  *laughs*  French is her second language for some reason or other.  Weird considering her heritage…  Isis mother, paranoid?  Probably.  She decided that since she let her daughter run loose as a kid, now that she's an adult, she must be monitored at all times.

**Lost-dreamer16:  **Thanks.  Me, update soon?  Like that'll happen.  *rolls eyes*

**Syd*ny44:  **Thank you.  And I'll say it again.  Me, update soon?

**Starry-eyed-twit:  ***looks at name*  Well, I think you're a fan of the Lamentations of a Starry Eyed Twit.  So am I ^^  Heeeey…  It has only been, uh…  One day less than two months (actually, two days…  The leap year and all)  I update now?

**The OddBird:  **Of course it reminds you of someone.  All my OCs have something in similar to myself.  Night's insanity, René's physical appearance (somewhat) and hyperness…  Isis' rambling…

**LuluLABs23:  **Both, I think…  Different branches of it, I guess.  No, Artemis' personalities do not have names.  And there is no 'main' one.  Each is triggered by something said/done/seen/etc.  The one he wakes up as is the one he fell asleep as.  Thanks, I'm a freak myself.  And a nerd.  It's all good.

**Mir-Kitty:  **DAMN YOU!!!  YOU BEAT ME TO IT!  *grumbles*  I was gunna find you first, oh yes I was…  But Mage is a lazy ass and spends too much time on DevART…  Oh yes, very bad Mage…  Did you miss a part?  No, if you've read all the books…  Oh, don't worry.  You only read a very small part of it…

**Disclaimer:  **I do not own Artemis or Butler.  End of story.  Well, actually, I haven't even begun the story so I guess I should say beginning of story.  That doesn't make sense.  Ah, screw this.

*~*~*~*~* **Chapter Three:  Enter ****Butler** *~*~*~*~*

            Artemis sat in a dark room, the only light coming from the notebook's glow.  His pale, thin fingers were rapidly hitting the keys, pausing often to wait for a response.  He was using an instant messenger program designed by himself to talk to his "business" associate.  Why would Artemis Fowl the Second make an IM program?  Simple.  By downloading his popular messenger, your computer is infected by a completely undetectable virus.  The virus crawls its way through your history until it finds something of interest, say, your bank account.  The virus then reads how much cash you have.  If you have over two million American dollars, the virus slowly sends money from that account to one of Artemis' ones.  The only thing confusing about the virus is why Artemis wasn't just ripping off everyone.  Artemis himself cannot answer that; he does not know why he did that or why he doesn't change it.

            But back to our story.

            **Artemis Fowl says:  **So?  Do you have the gold?

            **Dark Searcher 202 says:  **No.  Not yet

            **Artemis Fowl says:  **Tisk tisk.  I want that gold.  I'm the only one keeping from a lifetime in jail.  Remember that.

            **Dark Searcher 202 says:  **Sry Master Fowl.  I'll get u ur gold soon

            Artemis frowned.  He hated chatspeak, 1337 or any of those stupid deviations of the English language.  Especially that one about "shizzel" or whatever it was.  Artemis didn't particularly care or make an attempt to learn it.

            **Artemis Fowl says:  **You better.

            Artemis terminated the conversation and scowled.  Insufferable idiots.  They surround him at all sides.  Especially that insane psychiatrist who just wouldn't leave him alone.  Artemis did have to admit that she was more interesting than the rest, though.

            Speaking, or rather, thinking, about her, he hadn't seen her for awhile.  Then again, it was only a few weeks after the beginning of this semester.  The end of September.  Also a month from his fourteenth birthday.  Joy.  What amazingly brilliant presents will he get this year?  Maybe a CD filled with loud, rude noise.  Or perhaps tickets to a concert.  His parents were looking into why he didn't do "normal" things.  Artemis wished they would just leave him alone.

            Artemis flicked a few strands of dark hair out of his eyes and opened a word processor.  Time to do that mindless drivel the teachers called homework.

            An hour later, Artemis shut down his notebook, a pile of computer printouts sitting on his desk.  _Pitiful.  I should have been able to finish that a half hour ago.  What is wrong with me?  _He asked himself.

            Of course, Artemis being Artemis, he was still done in a shorter time than any of his classmates.  To put his mind off of his dilemma, Artemis stood up to go torment a few of the "smart" boys.  There was nothing better to do; he wasn't allowed to leave the school grounds.  On the account of his father's meddling, of course.  Artemis wasn't surprised that his father didn't trust him, though.  Artemis wouldn't trust himself.

            He crossed the dark room to the door by memory and opened it.  Artemis blinked in the hall's light which spilled into his room.  He spent a few moments in the doorway to let his eyes adjust to the change in lighting.  A smirk grew on his face and he strode out into the hall, locking the door behind him, unnecessarily.  No idiot in this school would steal from him.  Butler was a legend of scariness here.

            Butler.  He had slowed down in the past five months.  It was unexplainable.  No doctors in the world could explain it, not even Artemis himself.  Artemis' smirk disappeared, replaced by a frown.  What _was_ wrong with his colleague?

            Artemis' mood brightened when he realized that there was no school next week.  He could leave this pointless building and go on a "research" trip to Russia.  For some reason, Artemis had an urge to go there.  Another thing he couldn't explain.

            Artemis' mood darkened as he recalled the amount of things he couldn't explain recently.  The virus, Butler's condition, his urge to see Russia, his ability to speak Russian without recalling how he learnt it, the mirrored lenses…  Lost in his thoughts, Artemis almost ran into one of the many people in the building that had the audacity to call a "school".

            "Whoops!  Sorry mate!" the woman said, "Oh, hey Artemis!  I was just looking for you."

            "Doctor," Artemis said the title with some scorn.  Isis rolled her eyes.  It appeared that Artemis was in his power-hungry-superior-than-thou mode.  Isis really had to figure out how to get him in a better mood.

            _Yes, the best thing about my week off is that Isis-_

            "I was just talking to your mother.  I'm staying at your house for the week off," Isis said cheerfully.

            _-won't be around…_

            "Do I have any say in this?" Artemis asked sarcastically.

            "_You're underage, so ha!_" Isis said in French, "Oops.  Was that French?  Sorry."

            Artemis blew his hair out of his eyes, "Yup.  And you better pack for cold weather.  I'm going to Russia with Butler!" Artemis said cheerfully.

            "Why?" Isis asked.

            "School project," Artemis explained.

            "Most people would open a textbook.  Or the more technologically inclined would use the Internet.  You, on the other hand, go to the place," Isis rolled her eyes, "The perfect example of money, power and intelligence gone wrong."

            Artemis laughed, "What can I say?  A Fowl always delivers the best.  I'll see you later," he walked into a room labelled "Men's Room".

            "Why did they write "Men's Room" on the door?  This is a _boys_ only school," Isis rolled her eyes, "And what teacher would use the student's washroom?" She walked off, planning on finding this Butler guy.

*~*~*~*~*

            Isis slipped into the taxi and closed the door with a click.

            "Where to, babe?" the cabby asked, turning around to look at Isis.  Her nose wrinkled as the putrid mixture of alcohol and cigarettes hit her.

            _Isn't it illegal for cabbies to drink on the job?  Hell, to drink and drive?_

            "Here," she handed him the slip of paper one of the nicer secretaries gave to her.

            "Right away, baby," the cabby turned around and pulled out of the school's parking lot, "So, what's up?"

            Isis said nothing.  The cabby ignored her silence and continued to talk.

            "So, why were you at that school?" he asked.

            "Work," Isis said.

            "You work there?  What do you teach, babe?" the cabby inquired.

            "Psychiatrist," Isis continued with one word sentences.

            "You teach phsyc there?" the rather slow driver asked.

            "No."

            "Then what do you teach?"

            "Nothing."

            "But you work there."

            "I'm the psychiatrist, okay?  Now shut up, watch the road, and _drive_!"

            "You're a shrink?"

            "Didn't I just say that?  Drive!"

            "I am driving!  Going over the speed limit too!" the cabby protested, "It must be interesting, seeing all those messed-up kids."

            "Sure."

            "Hey, if you feel like it, we can ditch this trip and go for a drink.  Whaddya say?"

            "Bloody fucking hell no," Isis stated calmly.

            "Are you sure" the cabby insisted.

            "Hellooo!  I just swore at you and said no.  What do you think?!?" Isis exclaimed, amazed by this man's stupidity.

            "That you're being sarcastic.  It's hard for someone like you to measure up to someone like me," the cabby said proudly.

            "I'm a doctor, you're a cab driver.  I think it's the other way around," Isis rolled her eyes.

            "I'm not talkin' about schoolin' babe," the cabby waggled his eyebrows suggestively.  Isis stared in numb horror.

            "Bloody fucking hell on a stick, _NO_!" she exclaimed, revolted by the idea.

            "You're being sarcastic again," the cabby said.

            "You can dream of the day," Isis muttered.

            "Why dream when-"

            "SHUT UP!"

            "Yes'm"

            "Thank you."

            The rest of the ride passed in silence.

*~*~*~*~*

            "Room 251, 253, 255…"  Isis muttered, "Ah.  Room 257," she knocked calmly on the door.

            The door opened slightly, the chain lock in place.

            "And you are?" a man's voice asked.

            "This is, uh, Mr. Butler's apartment, right?" Isis asked.

            "Yes," the man said.

            "I'm Dr. Isis Yannitsos, Artemis Fowl the Second's psychiatrist," Isis said.

            Behind the door, Butler rolled his eyes.  It wasn't the first time one of Artemis' psychiatrists came calling.  He slid the chain lock off and opened the door.

            "Whoa," Isis breathed and looked up, "Shit."

            "Would you like to come in?" Butler asked and stepped aside.

            "Sure," Isis recovered from the shock of Butler's height.  When you're just pushing five foot four, anyone over five foot nine looked scary tall.  She walked past him, black rimmed eyes talking in his apartment.  Butler lead her to the main room, consisting of a yoga mat, a coffee table and a couch.

            "Have a seat," Butler offered.  Isis promptly sat down, "Would you like anything to drink?"

            "Water would be fine, thanks," Isis smiled up at him.  Butler returned it with a smile of his own.

            "Alright," Butler walked through a door, presumably to the kitchen.  He returned a few seconds later with two glasses full of water.  He handed one to Isis.

            "Thanks," Isis smiled again and sipped at the liquid.

            "You're welcome," Butler sat down on the opposite end of the couch, "So Dr. Yannitsos-"

            "Please, just Isis," Isis held up a hand.

            "Alright.  Isis, not to be rude, but why are you here?" Butler asked.

            Isis raised an eyebrow, "Surely you can figure it out?"

            "Yes, I do know the basics.  I've know Artemis forever, I'm a leading person in who he's become, etcetera, etcetera," Butler said.

            "Yup, all that jazz.  Quick question, though.  Why do you refer to Artemis as Artemis?  Aren't you supposed to have a purely professional relationship and refer to him as Master or whatever?" Isis asked.

            Butler raised an eyebrow in mild surprise.  Few picked that up so soon, "Yes."

            "Then obviously you don't.  I don't blame you.  Seriously, I bet you practically raised the kid!" Isis said.

            "True, I did," Butler admitted.

            "It's a shame, really.  Dumping some kid on a man trained to kill," Isis sighted, "Aristocrats."

            Butler grinned.  It was amazing how easy it was to read Isis, "What can I say?  It's my job."

            Isis laughed, "Yes, speak no ill about your employer.  Actually, I came to warn you that I am coming along on Artemis' Russian adventure."

            Butler looked too neutral.

            "You never knew about it?" Isis exclaimed.

            "Artemis…  Does things like that.  Though I don't think you should come along," Butler said.

            "I am, so there," Isis stuck out a tongue like an immature nine year old.  Butler was surprised at her maturity.

            "It could very easily be a hazard to your life," Butler pointed out.

            "Big whoop.  I've seen everything already," Isis shrugged.

            Butler looked at her and sighed.  Poor girl.  Barely thirty at the least and she thinks she's seen everything.  No one has seen everything.

            "Don't you sigh at me!  I've got my mother to do that!" Isis grumbled.

            "Your mother must be a very wise woman," Butler said gravely, humour dancing in his eyes.  Isis burst out laughing.

            "You've gotta be kidding me!  She's crazy!  Crazier than me!  She honestly believes that she's found the writings of the Fairies for cripes' sake!" Isis rolled her eyes, "How stupid can you get?"

            Butler shrugged and said nothing.  They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, both looking anywhere but at each other.

            "Why the lack of stuff?" Isis asked suddenly, "You're obviously not poor."

            "I spent a lot of my childhood training to become a bodyguard.  You get used to living simply," Butler explained.  "Simple" was putting it lightly.  Off-white walls, a yoga mat, a coffee table and a simple couch were less than simple.  Butler's apparel was just as plain.  An ordinary grey hoody and faded blue jeans.  He looked completely relaxed and as if he could blend in anywhere.

            "Well, that would-" Isis was interrupted by a knock on the door.

            "One moment please," Butler stood up and walked towards the door.

            "Hey, did a girl with black hair, about ye high come in here?" a voice at the door said.  Isis groaned and stood up.  Time to deal with that idiot…

*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:  **I could have kept going, but I wasn't finished the picture I am drawing of the scene to come.  Sorry…  ^^;  It was impossible to resist the temptation.  Plus, the last time I drew Isis, it sucked really bad…  And guess what?  It's the same day I wrote the first A/N!

            _~ Mage Kitty =^.^=_


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